Today I realized that I am like everyone else and I liked it. I downloaded the app everyone has. I was a meme. I was a stereotype. I was an American of a certain persuasion, age, demographic and i didn't fight it.
I sought out digital creatures like everyone else. My boyfriend is normal, so, it's like having this access to regular normal things. He had street smarts enough to avoid bullshit, while i have street smarts enough to act as an interpreter amongst several dialects of bullshit artists. That's basically my game.
But, he, my normal boyfriend granted me access to a normal game that harms none and brings joy. For a couple days it has been a pleasant utopia. He had his diet soda and i had my pool time. I read a book and finished it.
I wish i were more normal because i would be the best at it. But there i go with my superlatives.
Sunday, July 10, 2016
Saturday, July 2, 2016
These are the ramblings of a madman.
Tonight was pleasant but not magical. It is a Saturday and there is rabble rousing a floor below us. I may need earplugs to stay asleep.
We fly out tomorrow and I am ready to be home. I am scared to fly, but after the two rides on buses through the mountainous highway, I will feel much safer in an aeroplane.
I am sleepy and have been in bed at 8 or 9pm a few times on this trip. It's hard to get around here and hard to get acclimated. Once you get used to things it's easier, but then you are going home!
I can't wait for my next trip. Next time I will take little planes back and forth and skip the scenic route.
I am homesick for my cat and I am restless. It's the fourth of july weekend and there is a full day off after we return. Did I mention I cannot wait to be home?
It's a dichotomy! Can't wait to come back, but also want to be in my own space!
There is a lot of uncertainty surrounding me right now with regard to what i will be doing and WHERE i will be doing it and WHO I will be doing it for.
Of course I am at a pivotal age.
I have seen some women that I have really liked, but a few specific people that are a TYPE who are not secure and that insecurity is why I don't look to them as role models. They only made it so far on a career path and got stuck. They were hung up on people or loyalty to an employer who didn't promote them and spent the best years of their life doing something that didn't serve them.
I want a purpose. I don't qant to waste my ambition. I want to operate on faith.
Friday, July 1, 2016
Fart Frog and Poop Lizard
Every time I went to the edge of the property to smoke, I would forget there is this frog who sounds like a "woooomp" fart noise. It started me a couple times.
I was also startled by hornets, blue iridescent bee-flies, moths that look like yellow leaves, moths of all sizes, lizards, regular monkies, howler monkies, the wind in the trees, the blades of the ceiling fan, cars on the windy roads. The lizard on the ceiling that just chirped like a bird. I said, "he is going to poop from the ceiling into our mouths! (While we sleep)" And a piece of poop fell from the beautiful vaulted ceiling onto the foot of the bed as soon as i said it.
If you look closely enough almost everything has some bugs on it.
What was I not startled by? The cat and the sloth. And I got used to the monkies. I have lived in a tropical climate before and got used to the lizards during that time, but this chirping thing is NEW to me! I have a feeling my cat, Georgie would really like killing things here in paradise.
Btw- the lizards eat bugs, so they're not all bad.
The tink tinks I will miss. I think they are bugs or cicadas, they sound like little bells or birds, but more of a magical sound than the blunt nunking poop lizard is doing. The first time I visited this country, i recorded them and the recording is still on my phone somewhere if you're curious, and you know me, i will play it for you or send you the file.
Why am i blogging all this boring stuff? Well, i am bored! I had an excellent adventure and I am bummed that it rained for my last couple days. I was just at the verge of doing some cool memorable stuff, but the hourly precipitation made it seem a dumb move to spend money to drive to a wet beach. We stayed by the infinity pool today gazing toward Panama. We used google maps to identify an island off in the distance that is a nature reserve (starts with a G) forty miles from shore. I'm not sure how we could see it that far away, but we could.
I watched RA drink a Four Loko beer/energy drink. I watched him do crossword puzzles. We had amazing fruit for breakfast, then eggs, pancakes and bacon.
We saw many ex-pats. Apparently this area and the ultra touristy spot we were at before this have huge populations of former 'Americans.' Did you know it's an insult to say you are from America when you are talking to someone from Central America because they are also from the Christopher Columbus America.
Did you know that Coata Rica has no organized army? How cool is that? To be mearly conflict free...
As i read the news i have noticed that there is terror activity and awfulness. I have read a lot of terrible commentary from citizens being critical Islamophobes. In other news, back in Baltimore there is a young talented rapper who was murdered and they haven't found the person who did it yet. The comments alone about that, though a little more sensitive than usual, have been tinged with victim-blaming and racism disguised as dis-like of "rap music" where people mistake song lyrics for real life. It was especially hard to read that people believe because this man used music as an outlet and described things in his songs about the "streets" that he somehow deserved to be murdered. Child, please.
Somehow the eye in the sky decided this was what was going to happen? Nope, it was the will of one person who devalues ALL life. That person should be in an orange jumpsuit for life.
Don't ever come at me with another theory. A killer is third only to animal abusers and child molesters to be non-reformable. The problems in those brains cannot be fixed regardless of what caused them to be that way. I give of myself to the downtrodden whenever they are not vampires--meaning I help people when i can but i don't have enough to give to a vacuum. I won't tolerate murder. It's so simple, but seriously, if you look on the Internet in the comments section of some news, you will hear the voices of the dregs of society pulling everyone down to their level.
It's incredible to me when I get caught up in it. So, to say that someone can ultimately at some point possibly feel genuine remorse is only up to that person and their god if they have one; sayiny this, I hope to God that love overcomes all the grief.
I was also startled by hornets, blue iridescent bee-flies, moths that look like yellow leaves, moths of all sizes, lizards, regular monkies, howler monkies, the wind in the trees, the blades of the ceiling fan, cars on the windy roads. The lizard on the ceiling that just chirped like a bird. I said, "he is going to poop from the ceiling into our mouths! (While we sleep)" And a piece of poop fell from the beautiful vaulted ceiling onto the foot of the bed as soon as i said it.
If you look closely enough almost everything has some bugs on it.
What was I not startled by? The cat and the sloth. And I got used to the monkies. I have lived in a tropical climate before and got used to the lizards during that time, but this chirping thing is NEW to me! I have a feeling my cat, Georgie would really like killing things here in paradise.
Btw- the lizards eat bugs, so they're not all bad.
The tink tinks I will miss. I think they are bugs or cicadas, they sound like little bells or birds, but more of a magical sound than the blunt nunking poop lizard is doing. The first time I visited this country, i recorded them and the recording is still on my phone somewhere if you're curious, and you know me, i will play it for you or send you the file.
Why am i blogging all this boring stuff? Well, i am bored! I had an excellent adventure and I am bummed that it rained for my last couple days. I was just at the verge of doing some cool memorable stuff, but the hourly precipitation made it seem a dumb move to spend money to drive to a wet beach. We stayed by the infinity pool today gazing toward Panama. We used google maps to identify an island off in the distance that is a nature reserve (starts with a G) forty miles from shore. I'm not sure how we could see it that far away, but we could.
I watched RA drink a Four Loko beer/energy drink. I watched him do crossword puzzles. We had amazing fruit for breakfast, then eggs, pancakes and bacon.
We saw many ex-pats. Apparently this area and the ultra touristy spot we were at before this have huge populations of former 'Americans.' Did you know it's an insult to say you are from America when you are talking to someone from Central America because they are also from the Christopher Columbus America.
Did you know that Coata Rica has no organized army? How cool is that? To be mearly conflict free...
As i read the news i have noticed that there is terror activity and awfulness. I have read a lot of terrible commentary from citizens being critical Islamophobes. In other news, back in Baltimore there is a young talented rapper who was murdered and they haven't found the person who did it yet. The comments alone about that, though a little more sensitive than usual, have been tinged with victim-blaming and racism disguised as dis-like of "rap music" where people mistake song lyrics for real life. It was especially hard to read that people believe because this man used music as an outlet and described things in his songs about the "streets" that he somehow deserved to be murdered. Child, please.
Somehow the eye in the sky decided this was what was going to happen? Nope, it was the will of one person who devalues ALL life. That person should be in an orange jumpsuit for life.
Don't ever come at me with another theory. A killer is third only to animal abusers and child molesters to be non-reformable. The problems in those brains cannot be fixed regardless of what caused them to be that way. I give of myself to the downtrodden whenever they are not vampires--meaning I help people when i can but i don't have enough to give to a vacuum. I won't tolerate murder. It's so simple, but seriously, if you look on the Internet in the comments section of some news, you will hear the voices of the dregs of society pulling everyone down to their level.
It's incredible to me when I get caught up in it. So, to say that someone can ultimately at some point possibly feel genuine remorse is only up to that person and their god if they have one; sayiny this, I hope to God that love overcomes all the grief.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
