True Simple Desire and Relief

I once met a four year old who couldn't sleep without watching Tom & Jerry cartoons
And it made me remember a time
when I believed in comfort

I believed there was a source of comfort

I knew there was respite

I wanted things

I demanded them and waited

And they were real ; I could get what I wanted

True simple desire and relief

Someone to talk to who will bounce back all my ideals
Question me when I am wrong
Accept it when I am not wanted

Someone to dribble the ball down the court with

And make shots.

It's a three-pointer or nothing?
What?
You don't even want to rebound?

Tuesday Truths.

Stepping sideways and spinning
Bending; and molecules react in my skin
like a backward magnet
So, it could be over and it's not my fault
Except for my being less confident than I should be
...considering...

This was not available
Not for comment
Not for warm embraces

Not for mystery
Not for a mid summer night

Whistling in the dark and hoping
isn't the sign of the times

And my sharpness, my edge is too dulled out
Halfway not so much
Half way is soft to touch
cold to touch

Niceness polite ; too deep
Is not enough

Anymore, anymore, anyone.
All you get is a grocery store, elevator version of it.

I drive away.
I have about ten friends and no one is available to talk it over.  I came to this conclusion myself.

This is what I want.

I want to feel excited and blinded,
and dizzy; like all the fishes do : swimming in a school...
Like I have iridescent stripes along my ribs.

It would suffice if I felt like a jellyfish.
It would suffice if I went to see the dolphins
and painted the ceiling until my arms were stiff and I couldn't move
and you would talk me down

From the ceiling.
Talk me down from the ledges
When I do things like try to argue that everything is bad.
And your argument will be convincing.

That's what I want.

This is what I have.

And it's wickedness.  It's making fun of evil.  It's sorcery.

Really?  It would be fun.  The seeds are sown for now.  Questions.
Public.  Private.  Escaping.  Rolling.  Relaxing.

No pain.  Thank Bagavadgita.
The timing is off.  It's a cheap fix.
A belt.
A rubber band.  Loosened.  Fixed, passive.

Mundane.  Love.  Checked.  For a white lie on Sunday.

Leads to truthful Tuesday.